more smudge

(top 2: "journeys on paper")

(bottom 2: "spontaneous word structure practice")

Some more pages. They're supposed to be two sets of two, seen side by side, but I have yet to figure out how to do that on blogger!

first clicks

(the most awesome cat ever)

(alli's bed, again.)

(first click)

Its true, its happening, I have now passed through the threshold into adulthood (or what I think it is). I am in a serious relationship. I made the sacrifice, I finally made up my mind and decided I could embrace him with all of his flaws....I bought a Canon 40D. And I finally feel like what could maybe one day adopt the label "real photographer". I shall always, always, love my film cameras and need them for play. But now I'm serious. What was I supposed to do when non-camera people asked me for photography favors? Say ugh yeah see Holgas and Polaroids and fisheyes and my iPhone camera are artsy...you just gotta embrace it? Nope. I gave in. But I love it. More power. More lenssssss....more depth of field. Its fabulous. I am excited to take it every every everywhere with me.

But I should probably get around to reading the manual. Tomorrow maybe. Or in 2010.

These above are some of my first plays with Gorgeous-new-camera-awaiting-name.

sequin sparkle gem

These are some photos of the holiday/CHRISTMAS display installation we did this year at the store. I say Christmas in caps because it pains me to cheerfully give customers the dry and empty politically correct phrase "Happy Holidays". Happy is so...ugh. There exists a wealth of thesaurus words that more aptly describe the season between Thanksgiving and New Years besides happy. Sigh.

Anyway, for two nights we worked to a combination of techno, Christmas, and my visuals mix, late into the night, installing the light curtain wall, calamity of ornaments and snowflakes, ice skates, and trees! It was so much fun and I very much hope that I can do more of these again!

still breathing

At this point of the year the earth seems to be dying. In Chicago, at least. The sun is forgotten for that greyish white cloud blanket sky that transforms trees into stark, barren silhouettes. Christmas comes and convinces us for December that this slush fest is really nostalgia wrapped up in a White Christmas. Ribbons and sparkle make winter winds bearable. But when you step outside the holiday cheer everything still seems dead. If I lived back as one of the first humans north of the equator and had never experienced winter I certainly would have thought that way.

But underneath the snow, slush, ice rain, whatever...I like to remember that everything is still breathing. Silently growing, underground, be it slowly...it still grows. Even though we can't see. Even though it seems like the sun has forgotten us.

I took these photos in April last spring, at midnight, after a freak random snowstorm that only stayed for a day or two before melting away. I like that they bring out the pulse of winter, give it a bit of breath, a bit of quieter neutral toned wonder.

pencil smudge

(front cover)

(inside left)

(inside right. the beginning...)

sketch/write/dream/draw book.
present edition. 5th? 10th? 23rd.

When I finally accepted that I could never, ever, be anything other than an artist, in whatever I do and wherever I go, I became more deeply ingrained in the practice of keeping a sketchbook. It is the best discipline I have for continuing my influences and ideas.

The place where I write and cross out and write and cross out.
Where I experiment with gold leaf and realize I may kind of hate it and thats okay
Where I figure out that sewing on paper is very very tedious
But that combining watercolor pencils and ink is something very promising
And revive words of dreamers long long dead in their graves
And collect ideas and forms of shells and sticks and greek goddesses and paint
And attempt to beautify my own small corner of the world.
That might sound cheesy, and emo, and dramatic.
But my sketchbook might just allow a bit of that, because, somewhere has to right?

Anyway, here are a few opening pages...hopefully I will get some more up soon!

woods, or, how I find myself sometimes

("mud puddle, or, mirror on the ground")

("canoe fleets, or, just around the river bend")

("the pit, or where I met Jesus")

("the drying tents, or, our coccoon")

("wood pile, or, by our hands")

I never fully, truly, deeply and physically understood the term "starving artist" until I became obsessed and addicted to film photography. It doesn't make any sense, but, 9 out of 10 times I would still rather develop a roll of film that may or may not have turned out than buy, say, food or a space heater or do my laundry.

It doesn't make sense.

But I can't do anything about it, nor, do I wish to. Photos like these just make me way too appreciative of the unpredictable way film has of capturing a moment.

I took these in June up at HoneyRock camp in the northwoods of Wisconsin. This place carries 9 summers of memory that seem to come about in the wind, or, the snap of twigs, or, song of the loon on the lake in the morning.

I think the film is Fuji, I took them with a Holga.

gulf of mexico

I am not very good at remembering to scan film photographs and too cheap to have a photo cd made when i develop my film. It really turns out to be a great combination. Hence, my photos for today are from spring break back in march! This is their first introduction to the world from a growing pile of lomography experiments that collects about my room. I used a disposable underwater camera from Walgreens. I am still trying to recover ones the Walgreens Photo People didn't print because of over exposure....sigh, they just don't understand.

delectable

I stumbled upon this Chicago artist as I was on the School of the Art Institute Admissions site, whilst attempting to settle my life with a large continuing education decision. Which has been postponed, for good reasons. Good reasons being that I didn't have a certain deep down enough reason to decide a hundred grand away to my future all for the peace of mind that I could say I was on my way to being "successful" and "practical"....two words whose meanings have quite blurry edges.

Anyway, this girl, Rachel Pollak, is awesome. I want her degrees. Masters of Arts and Religion from Yale and Masters of Fine Arts from SAIC? Woah.

I want to print make with purpose, subtle beautiful purpose, purpose that is exclaimed through perfect ink edges and tiny lines and strong lines and stippling and texture. I like that I can see a bit of that in this.

These two are from her series, "Delectable Mountains".